CHARLOTTE, NC: Local sports fan Ben Clementine was admittedly heartbroken over his favorite team losing their opening game of the year, but remained resolute.
“It’s just a stupid game anyway,” said Clementine, who plans his entire life around said game, “It doesn’t even matter.”
Clementine, whose face was painted in the team’s colors while wearing a large wig on game-day, said that even though he is a fan he won’t let his life be affected by it.
“There are so many bigger issues in the world, man,” said Clementine, who can name every player on the 53 man roster going back for 10 years but cannot name his congressman, “At the end of the day you just got to let it go.”
As of press time Clementine, who has missed 3 weddings and the funeral of his great-aunt due to his fandom, was posting nasty messages on opposing teams’ social media accounts, while taking regular breaks for jags of inconsolable sobbing.
“It’s just whatever, you know? I’ve got so much else in my life going on.”