Charlotte Uptown Renamed PrimeTown

CHARLOTTE, NC: In a stunning announcement by Charlotte’s City Council, in collaboration with Charlotte’s Got A Lot and the city’s Chamber of Commerce have announced that Charlotte’s Uptown will hereby be known as PrimeTown.

The news comes ahead of Amazon’s rumored interest in making Charlotte the site of its new headquarters, dubbed HQ2, which would add 50,000 jobs and upwards of 5 billion in local investments to the city.

“We’re proud to boldly re-brand our city’s upscale, and culturally relevant Uptown area,” Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts said at a press conference, “We want to prove to the world that Charlotte is a Prime location for new business investments.”

Roberts paused for laughter, but was met with tepid chuckles.

“PrimeTown will no longer be a sterile banking hub,” Roberts continued, “but will be a vibrant, hip and culturally edgy location filled with… whatever it is that such locations should have. I don’t know, more breweries?”

Several factors make Charlotte an excellent choice for an Amazon Headquarters, including a young, highly-skilled workforce, proximity to an international airport, access to central banking centers, and the forthcoming installation of Google Fiber.

After the HB2 debacle, it would seem unlikely that Amazon would invest in Charlotte. However, leaders are still hopeful.

“As long as they don’t pick Atlanta or, god forbid, Raleigh, we’ll be cool,” Roberts added.

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