Religious Leaders Confirm Creator Of Universe Trippin’ Pretty Hard Right Now
EARTH: Religious Leaders including Pope Francis I, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, The Archbishop of Canterbury, Bartholomew I of Constantinople, The Jathedar of Akal Takht, and various leading Rabbis, Muftis , Clerics, Imams, Pastors, Priests, Preachers, and that jerk from Scientology have all determined that God is on drugs.
Spiritual leaders came to this conclusion through their observations of world events and their religious interactions with the Divine Ruler of the Universe that confirm that He is, like, totally trippin’ His face off right now.
“The Lord has revealed through His divine grace, that He is wacked out of His freakin’ gourd,” said Pope Francis in a speech from the Vatican, “Seriously, He’s trippin’ balls.”
Citing recent unprecedented and historic events such as the violent attempted coup in Turkey, climate change, the Brexit vote, Pokemon Go and whatever the hell is going on with Donald Trump – religious leaders of all faiths are quite certain that our Lord and Savior is high as a damn kite.
“The other day, I was praying to our Lord in the usual way,” Bartholomew I said, “And I heard His voice! Hallelujah! But then I realized what he was saying. ‘Dude, what if I microwaved a burrito so hot EVEN I COULDN’T EAT IT!’… He then proceeded to laugh for like, twenty minutes.”
The Creator of the Universe could not be reached for comment, but as of press time He had 3 children walk off of a cliff while playing Pokemon Go, which experts interpret as some kind of statement on the allegations.
“All I know is I don’t want to be around when He comes down…” His Holiness The Dalai Lama said, “Whew boy! That’s gonna be one hell of a mess!”